Fundamentals

I wanna start off by welcoming everyone to my blog. Seems like everybody is putting their ideas out in the world, but it's time we get another view on some things. I will forewarn everyone that my views are not always going to appease the masses. If I offend or make some people uncomfortable, well...screw it . I was gonna apologize but decided against it. Sometimes things need to be said.


Fundamentals

I know I have come a long way since my younger days. In my youth (and in some of my 20's) I must admit my judgement in suitors may have been a little short-sighted. Now, as time has crept up on me and shook me into the harsh reality of my thirties my requirements have definitely shifted. One thing that we as women let slip to the wayside is the basics of a relationship...the fundamentals. Some chicks are lured away by the shiny and flashy, while others focus on the potential and nurturing of a mate. As a gender we are just natural comforters, which makes the action of falling for someone who needs "rebuilding" almost inevitable. We need to err on the side of caution, ladies. Please remember these fundamentals and use them as foundation on which all relationships are built from. With these fundamentals in place, all residual  ideals will come together accordingly.

#1: Communication

Yeah, it's a no-brainer. It's pivotal to any working relationship; but I've seen it taken for granted in a lot of instances. Telling your partner what bothers you, when it bothers you, and how it bothers you is the only way to make sure the two of you can understand each other. Often times as women we let shit slide, only to bring it up later in a fight or after we let it stew for a while. If your mate is doing something that you have a problem tolerating, say something! If you dismiss it, they will think that it is OK and continue doing it. One of the main arguments I hear from my male friends is that females get upset over something they've done, only to find out it's bothered them forever.

Now there's a fine line between expressing your opinions and downright nagging. Pick your battles. Don't harp on how they chew their food or how you hate their laugh. Let them know about the REAL shit that bothers you. If they are speaking to you in a way you find offends you, or their views on certain issues need further explanation, elaborate on that. Don't think you can change someone, but bringing certain thing to light can sometimes make someone try to reel it in or curb the actions that you have taken issue with. Always let your mate, and even other people, in your life know exactly where they stand with you. The clearer the lines, the better. Try to leave no room for misunderstanding, and the communication lines wide open.

Women sometimes also remain silent for the fear that if they speak their mind, the man will get angry or not like them anymore. This by far is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. The idea of being alone is so horrible that it trumps telling the person they're with some very important information. Put it this way: Can you actually stand being in a relationship with someone when you are not being 100% yourself? What kind of way is that to live? No one should ever have to feel the need to mute themselves just for the sake of being with somebody. It is the breeding ground for resentment for you and distrust from your mate. If you cannot be yourself, then it's not worth doing. That's something to apply in life as well. The person who you choose as a life mate should love you from the crust in your eyes to the lint in your toes...nothing less. As people we should never compromise on that, for we are worthy of such love. Communication allows someone to view you as you are, not how you are presenting yourself. It breaks down the walls of bullshit and baggage that we have put up and opens up the door for an opportunity to be happy...and to be ourselves.